I love God, Jesus, and the trinity's distinct as well as inseparable relationship. I believe in Him but I am not a Christian. I may be Buddhist too because I believe in self-enlightenment. When I went to church and heard that god is not the external authority figure, which is by the way, something I've somehow associated him as, but that he is in you as you are the temple of the holy ghost. Perhaps what I'm suggesting is ludicrous, but maybe in a way that is the same as SELF-enlightenment. From Evan Almighty, Morgan Freeman or "God" says to Joan (Evans wife)
"Let me ask you something. If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If he prayed for courage, does God give him courage, or does he give him opportunities to be courageous? If someone prayed for the family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other?"
God gives us these opportunities to better ourselves but it is ultimately your will to choose and grow from such choices. To me this is, in a way, SELF determination in a less aggressive sense. I think about religion so much and I always somehow end up no where, believing I could never encounter a balance or realization of which story (or in another sense, which religion,) is best told because they all sound so good wen I'm hearing it. Somehow I have this ability to appreciate each song/story/perspective and that's why sometimes I find myself unable to be mad at anyone and unable to decide what is right and what is wrong.
Perhaps the song G.O.D. (Gaining Ones Definition) - Common says it best .
Some say that God is Black and the Devil's White
Well, the Devil is wrong and God is what's right
I fight, with myself in the ring of doubt and fear
The rain ain't gone, but I can still see clear
Because ultimately devil represents the bad the unappreciative unaware and God is what's right. He, she or it is what drives you. In a way,
Some say that God is ______ and the Devil's ______
Well, the Devil is wrong and God is what's right.
I left the words blank because I wanted to make a point that it doesn't matter what you say after that if your god is Buddha, Allah, or God and the trinity.... without the story and the label it is ultimately the same drive; stories and labels just help people understand or tap access to the ideas or beliefs or decision makers as I like to think of them. I love this song so I really recommend listening to it for the lyrics since so many underground artists have proven the lyrics are deep and can really enlighten a situation giving you an insightful perspective.
I feel like all my thinking is "fight[ing] with myself in the ring of doubt and fear" and even though I haven't come to a set conclusion ("The rain aint gone") I really can "still see clear." I'm okay with this. I like where we are.
I feel so foolish thinking and trying to understand and absorb everything around me when I'm around people who don't because there's tension and expectations and closedness. Just a deeper understanding of yourself and others - enlightenment realizing the god in you and in others - opens up those blocked out obstructions to understanding of any perspective. The connection you feel with anything around you is great. It is because everything is made by god and all has god in them that you are connected. you won't discriminate or hold bad judgments as a grudge and won't even get mad as easily. After all, being mad is so bad for your health, because its not relaxing and understanding, this brings peace instead of war. Those who interpret God or Allah or Buddha as DIVIDING, classifying, and separating people by specifying an allegiance (like when answering questions from strangers regarding religious affiliation) you are SADLY mistaken (all, of course, is just my own opinion) because God ultimately should be an understanding unifying connecting loving force not one that divides......right? and I say force because it drives people toward where they should be or where would benefit them ultimately. one of my most admired friends, rob, once tried to explain to me how he felt. that god is the realization of something bigger than yourself. in his terms god is that realization of the sanctity of your choices, the sanctity of others and things around you because you are ultimately connected in a bigger way than yourself.
Understanding and wisdom became the rhythm that I played to
And became a slave to master self
A rich man is one with knowledge, happiness and his health
My mind had dealt with the books of Zen, Tao the lessons
Koran and the Bible, to me they all vital
And got truth within 'em, gotta read them boys
You just can't skim 'em, different branches of belief
But one root that stem 'em, but people of the venom try to trim 'em
And use religion as an emblem
When it should be a natural way of life
Who am I or they to say to whom you pray ain't right
That's who got you doin right and got you this far
Whether you say "in Jesus name" or Hum do Allah
Long as you know it's a bein' that's supreme to you
You let that show towards others in the things you do
When I feel myself in pain or facing a hardship I feel myself in the presence of the god in me and outside of me in other people and things and the world. Sometimes the irony in trying to fully understanding god will be so much work that it would be tedious and such a long drawl that it is almost a state of almost death. The amount of intense pain I feel when I try so hard to understand. It is painfully challenging but I crave to know and understand; it is in a way a crazy drug of bettering myself no matter what way.
When things get rough and each day is more dreary after the next, I am reminded that life goes on and some how it is alright to keep "happy" as a memory. After all, we are given by God the amazing ability to survive and adapt because life DOES keep going on. We don't have to keep the memory in the present because memories can be what memories should be. In a way, there's a beauty in the way that all works out.Those feelings and people and stories remain perfect in whatever they were - unchangeable. If we can't change the moment since each moment we pass is permanent. The beauty of the past and of life and time in general is in the perfection of its preservation without biasness. Good, bad, positive, negative - what happened happened right? and we're still moving forward! Unalterable, and somehow it's okay that way.
I like where we are.