The importance of parenting even when you aren't a parent.

What I've discovered over spring break, is the tremendous influence that everything that surrounds us has upon every aspect of our lives. Amazing what some time off studying can do huh? Self-enlightenment is wonderful. Parenting for example, is a way to really screw up a kid for the rest of their lives. Abuse in all forms, neglect, too much praise, not enough praise, too much discipline, not enough discipline - parenting in general establishes the "core beliefs" with which kids (or rather I should just say PEOPLE) view the world and themselves. Such "core beliefs" are so "core" that we see them not as beliefs nor as something that was learned, but as a truth or a reality. These are the beliefs from where we get our "attitude" or "outlook on life" and the scary part is: it all starts with those influences of parenting.

If one were to think "life is a struggle" or "I'm powerless" such a person would find themselves impeded when it comes to difficulties in life because they feel like they are incapable by nature. We talk ourselves in to much of our anxiety by self-criticism, what-if thinking, or even perfectionist thinking and all this "self-talk" begins with our basic core beliefs of how we see ourselves and life.

Parenting, thus, becomes a heavy responsibility that I don't know if I'd ever be able to take on given what I've seen. But what I've realized is all of us are influences because of our interactions with our environment and those that are in it with us; we influence and in turn are influenced. In a way, we are parenting them and vice-versa. Society parents its people, whether it be a controlling authoritative government that strips its citizens of their freedoms and makes them believe they are incapable without a leader, or perhaps a liberal democracy that empowers the man and encourages each individual's freedom of choice.

I keep thinking back to Blue Scholar's lyrics, "eyes up to the sky she sighs 'i need nobody. true indeed sister, but you still need everybody because we hardly know ourselves if we know nobody else." For the longest time I didn't really agree, with some unfamiliarity with ourselves without other people is in a way the explanation of us as a product of all those influences even though we have the CONTROL (which is important) ultimately of how we react to such influences. We only grow, discover, and develop ourselves by reacting to the influences of life (the environment) - by society, by parents, and by people around us.

We've been parenting our whole lives. In a sense we've always been responsible for everyone around us and thus, in turn responsible and in control of ourselves.

With that, my last a thought: Without negative "core beliefs" impeding you, or in other words, if you knew you could not fail, what would you strive for?

I Like Where We Are

I love God, Jesus, and the trinity's distinct as well as inseparable relationship. I believe in Him but I am not a Christian. I may be Buddhist too because I believe in self-enlightenment. When I went to church and heard that god is not the external authority figure, which is by the way, something I've somehow associated him as, but that he is in you as you are the temple of the holy ghost. Perhaps what I'm suggesting is ludicrous, but maybe in a way that is the same as SELF-enlightenment. From Evan Almighty, Morgan Freeman or "God" says to Joan (Evans wife)

"Let me ask you something. If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If he prayed for courage, does God give him courage, or does he give him opportunities to be courageous? If someone prayed for the family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other?"

God gives us these opportunities to better ourselves but it is ultimately your will to choose and grow from such choices. To me this is, in a way, SELF determination in a less aggressive sense. I think about religion so much and I always somehow end up no where, believing I could never encounter a balance or realization of which story (or in another sense, which religion,) is best told because they all sound so good wen I'm hearing it. Somehow I have this ability to appreciate each song/story/perspective and that's why sometimes I find myself unable to be mad at anyone and unable to decide what is right and what is wrong.

Perhaps the song G.O.D. (Gaining Ones Definition) - Common says it best .

Some say that God is Black and the Devil's White
Well, the Devil is wrong and God is what's right
I fight, with myself in the ring of doubt and fear
The rain ain't gone, but I can still see clear

Because ultimately devil represents the bad the unappreciative unaware and God is what's right. He, she or it is what drives you. In a way,

Some say that God is ______ and the Devil's ______
Well, the Devil is wrong and God is what's right.

I left the words blank because I wanted to make a point that it doesn't matter what you say after that if your god is Buddha, Allah, or God and the trinity.... without the story and the label it is ultimately the same drive; stories and labels just help people understand or tap access to the ideas or beliefs or decision makers as I like to think of them. I love this song so I really recommend listening to it for the lyrics since so many underground artists have proven the lyrics are deep and can really enlighten a situation giving you an insightful perspective.

I feel like all my thinking is "fight[ing] with myself in the ring of doubt and fear" and even though I haven't come to a set conclusion ("The rain aint gone") I really can "still see clear." I'm okay with this. I like where we are.

I feel so foolish thinking and trying to understand and absorb everything around me when I'm around people who don't because there's tension and expectations and closedness. Just a deeper understanding of yourself and others - enlightenment realizing the god in you and in others - opens up those blocked out obstructions to understanding of any perspective. The connection you feel with anything around you is great. It is because everything is made by god and all has god in them that you are connected. you won't discriminate or hold bad judgments as a grudge and won't even get mad as easily. After all, being mad is so bad for your health, because its not relaxing and understanding, this brings peace instead of war. Those who interpret God or Allah or Buddha as DIVIDING, classifying, and separating people by specifying an allegiance (like when answering questions from strangers regarding religious affiliation) you are SADLY mistaken (all, of course, is just my own opinion) because God ultimately should be an understanding unifying connecting loving force not one that divides......right? and I say force because it drives people toward where they should be or where would benefit them ultimately. one of my most admired friends, rob, once tried to explain to me how he felt. that god is the realization of something bigger than yourself. in his terms god is that realization of the sanctity of your choices, the sanctity of others and things around you because you are ultimately connected in a bigger way than yourself.

Understanding and wisdom became the rhythm that I played to
And became a slave to master self
A rich man is one with knowledge, happiness and his health

My mind had dealt with the books of Zen, Tao the lessons
Koran and the Bible, to me they all vital
And got truth within 'em, gotta read them boys
You just can't skim 'em, different branches of belief
But one root that stem 'em, but people of the venom try to trim 'em
And use religion as an emblem
When it should be a natural way of life
Who am I or they to say to whom you pray ain't right
That's who got you doin right and got you this far
Whether you say "in Jesus name" or Hum do Allah
Long as you know it's a bein' that's supreme to you
You let that show towards others in the things you do

When I feel myself in pain or facing a hardship I feel myself in the presence of the god in me and outside of me in other people and things and the world. Sometimes the irony in trying to fully understanding god will be so much work that it would be tedious and such a long drawl that it is almost a state of almost death. The amount of intense pain I feel when I try so hard to understand. It is painfully challenging but I crave to know and understand; it is in a way a crazy drug of bettering myself no matter what way.

When things get rough and each day is more dreary after the next, I am reminded that life goes on and some how it is alright to keep "happy" as a memory. After all, we are given by God the amazing ability to survive and adapt because life DOES keep going on. We don't have to keep the memory in the present because memories can be what memories should be. In a way, there's a beauty in the way that all works out.Those feelings and people and stories remain perfect in whatever they were - unchangeable. If we can't change the moment since each moment we pass is permanent. The beauty of the past and of life and time in general is in the perfection of its preservation without biasness. Good, bad, positive, negative - what happened happened right? and we're still moving forward! Unalterable, and somehow it's okay that way.

I like where we are.

Snow Patrol - The Planets Bend Between Us

The winter's marked the earth
it's floored with frozen glass
you slip into my arms
and you quickly correct yourself

your freezing speech bubbles
seem to hold your words aloft
i want the smoky clouds of laughter
to swim about me forever more

(Chorus)
i will race you to the waterside
and from the edge of ireland shout out loud
so they could hear it in america
it's all for you

the shells crack under our shoes
like punctuation points
the planets bend between us
and a hundred million suns and stars

the sea filled in the silence
before you said those words
and now even in the darkness
i can see how happy you are

(Chorus)
i will race you to the waterside
and from the edge of ireland shout out loud
so they could hear it in america
it's all for you

(5x)
it's all for you

Tomorrow is another day

I read this today and it got me thinking of how we all do it. We only pray in the times of need, hoping that God will be there to fix our problems or rekindle a broken relationship. we pray for a sick friend, the starving. We pray for ourselves when we need something. I mean, it's not that it's wrong, but what does He get in return?

I'm guilty of this myself. We need to pray in times of trouble but never forget to pray when things are going well. How often to you count your blessings? When you're having a bad day, of course it's not wrong to pray, but when you're having a good day, pray in to be appreciative, to be thankful for the people He put in your life that love and surround you. count your blessings. While it's good to pray for the starving or the sick, why not also do something about it? Bring them food, stay by the sick friends side. It's easy to say a few quick words to God, but it shows true character to show an act of kindness. If you pray-it's great to pray for those in need or for something you need in your life. But before you go to bed, also think of all your blessings.

And for those who don't pray, how many times do you hear people complain or say "I'm having such a bad day"? It's not wrong to state you're having a bad day, but how many times do you hear people say they're having a good day, or make a positive comment about things? Not nearly as much. It's all in your ability to turn a situation around. When you're having a bad day, laugh it off. Find something good in it. Tomorrow is another day. Just remember to be thankful for the days you have that are amazing. Pay attention to the good and the happy times you're having, not just the bad, and you'll be a happier person. ♥

Easy Come, Easy Go

You know how whenever you first meet someone, the question crosses your mind: friend of foe?
I remember TB telling me how the first second you allow someone to be close to you, you have given them the permission to break you.
In the earliest stage, it isn't quite so bad, only little fibers of adoration that resemble silky spider web seems to link your brain and your heart to this object/character of desire. If you end it at this point, you can more or less just brush it off and move on.
Moving on to stage two, this is where those fibers start having little fish hooks on the ends and it takes more effort than a simple brushing off to detach by now.
The final stage of attachment is when the association is so strong, the fibers are no longer just thin strands, but is a rope composed of those fibers and the hooks are now rooted into your heart. When you yank the hooks out, there seems to be an eternal bleeding. The scar is hideous, and it seems as if your muscle has learned to grow around the hook that it does not help the situation whatsoever.

I really don't know how long we will last, how we will end, how many ups and downs we will go through...
But I'm hoping that I won't be disappointed, or that you won't hurt me.

Love isn't an easy come, easy go.

Another Eat, Pray, Love Quote

…A true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you
everything that’s holding you back, the person who brings you to your own
attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most
important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and
smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever. Nah. Too painful.
Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself
to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it.

(pg. 149) Eat, Pray, Love

Some people believe that a person who comes into your life to help you grow is not someone you would want to live with because of the resistance to change. A true soul mate is not a fool, but a very wise being who will walk away when you refuse to change your ways.

It is sad that people think that real love means the happy fairy tale, but got to tell people what they want to hear to sell books I guess. No wonder the divorce rate is over 50% and number of single people is the highest it has ever been. If it involves work and suffering, it can’t possibly be love?

These days values, morals, and discipline is everything that’s bad for you because happiness is all about feeling good and doing what you want.

"I want somebody to sleep with the rest of my life, and cuddle up during a movie, on a couch. Stay up all night talking about nothing. Get lost in the woods together. Challenge me, challenge him. Talk about dreams, make dreams, make love in the candle light, in the car, in the shower, in the woods while were lost. Have fights, the kind that only really matter just as long as you’re having them. Someone I can wrestle with, you know, play hard sometimes and not worry about breaking a nail or an arm. A guy who will bring me flowers, once in a while, maybe a rock too or a shell of some sort. Something he saw that made him think of me, made him think "this might make my girl smile" as he smiles to himself. A guy who wants me, maybe even needs me, just a little, enough to hold onto me with everything he's got..."

Since the first time you ran your fingers through my hair, since the first time our hands became one, since the first time your kisses took away my pain, I knew I’d never be the same.

You are my light in the dark
You are the beating in my heart

Intimacy is a four syllable word for, "Here's my heart and soul, please grind them into hamburger, and enjoy." It's both desired, and feared. Difficult to live with, and impossible to live without. Intimacy also comes attached to the three R's... relatives, romance, and roommates. There are some things you can't escape. And other things you just don't want to know. -grey's anatomy

Please just dont give up on me. Because underneath all my mistakes, imperfections, and dissapointments, im just a simple girl who really does love you, and im sorry if sometimes im just a little to shy to show it.

You changed my world with just one smile, you took my heart with just one kiss.

A kiss is just a kiss till you find the one you love... a hug is just a hug till you find the one your always thinking of... a dream is just a dream till it comes true... love is just a word till it's proven to you.